Of all the Life Mastery tools I know, this is probably my second favorite in my toolbox.
I discovered it about two years ago, in a moment of great frustration … (although I think it took me my entire life to be able to ‘get it’).
Satori Tip: Sometimes a great insight (Satori) awaits you … it’s right there, ready to breakout of you, but you can’t quite see it. However even in your frustration (or intense depression) it’s just beneath the surface. The Insight: Never give up … stay the course … because a Satori often needs great provoking.
Please allow me to share with you how I discovered the Satori I now call Skip the Middle Part.
In the past Sabrina (my wife) and I used to squabble over silly little things, and unfortunately we had the experience of turning them into silly big things.
During a squabble we would say things to each other that we didn’t really mean … you know those things that come out of your mouth when your feeling defensive, accusatory or just plain irrational. These reactive jabs would eventually drive the ‘silly little squabble’ into an argument.
I think it was in our need to be heard, to be seen, to be understood … that our frustrations would get the better of us. I have since realized that the nature of the human ego is to try and find things to feel hurt about (or to start a fight about) because it already feels hurt. Behind that hurt is usually an ego that feels unloved or unlovable.
Anyway these squabbles really sucked and we were both really fed up with the drama.
One day, in my great frustration over all of this, I had a Satori. I realized that I was tired of trying to be right or trying to be understood. I was just done with fighting. I knew that when the next disagreement came up, I would actually change how I responded.
I know that that sounds simplistic, but true Satoris usually are very simple.
Let me further explain …
Just because we have the power to change how we can respond, doesn’t mean that we’ll do it. Being able to recognize that we have ‘options’ in the middle of a tiff usually won’t register on our emotional radar; when we’ve been seduced by our egoic hurt, pain or anger we lose that ability. It takes something beyond our normal way of thinking and feeling to push us back into clarity and ultimately our True Self.
I think the last squabble before my Satori had been the one that woke me up. I was just done … mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I needed to grab love by the balls if you will.
I was determined that the next time we had a squabble I would not get all worked up and feed the drama. It was time to do something different. I knew that normally I would have to go through the process of ‘processing’ the argument, healing my wounds, forgiving her and then forgiving myself … and finally returning to my loving self. As I’m sure you will agree this can take a LONG time and it consumes A LOT of energy. And if we don’t make it through that phase then the relationship ends up getting destroyed.
I think the real depth of my epiphany came from being so frustrated that I asked myself these simple questions:
Why can’t I just be kind and loving as soon as I recognize that I’m feeding the drama?
Why do I have to wait to get back to that place of love when I can just Skip the Middle Part?
I realized the only thing that would stop that from happening would be ME (ego).
I could do what I usually do, ‘choose’ (I love this reframe – we choose everything – our power lies within our choice) to hold onto my feelings of being hurt, misunderstood, angry … process them … OR I could just let it go and skip the middle part.
Satori Tip: Sometimes people tell me that they can’t let go of it right away; they need time to heal and to process. Well I understand that, really I do, but I also know that sometimes ‘processing’ is overrated. ‘Processing’ can be extremely self indulgent and down right unproductive. Processing can draw-out a negative experience and actually imbed that negativity deeper. However, what I’m about to tell you can end this vicious cycle, in case you ever find yourself stuck in it.
The manifestation of misunderstanding and conflict between people is normal. It’s also normal for us to have emotions flowing through us. We should always take the time to express our concerns, fears, hurts and so on. But it’s what you do while it’s coming out and after its come out that counts the most!
Yes, feel the emotion, let it move through you. Let it tell you which direction to go. You can either expand or contract. Definitely don’t suppress it; but don’t indulge in it either. You have to let go of your need to be right, to be understood, to be your ego; if you don’t it always gets ugly. But if you truly let go and then immediately refocus upon your True Self, the aspect of you that is loving, compassionate, humble and sincere … well you’ve just Skipped the Middle Part.
The bottom line here is that the Middle Part doesn’t need to take so long. It’s ok that there is friction or conflict in life, in fact it is essential as the contrast helps us to grow. Conflicts in relationships are beautiful expedients to help us evolve faster. But conflict doesn’t help anyone if it isn’t used as a tool to improve ourselves. Today I use Skip the Middle Part as one of the most important life mastery tools that I have. It gets me where I want to be in the fastest and shortest amount of time possible. I always look at what I may be doing/thinking that is causing or feeding the conflict and then I Skip the Middle Part.
This Satori has greatly improved the quality of the relationship between my wife and I. We don’t argue at all anymore, but we still squabble a little :-} It’s all good though and we’re totally in love with each other. Any conflict now brings us more clarity and deeper connection. I think we must have both had this Satori at the same time, because we both stopped reacting towards each other around the same time. The good news is even if the person you ‘get in to it with’ doesn’t willingly change, they’re going to be affected by your new way of being, and consequently they will change too.
I use the ‘Skip the Middle Part’ in business too.
For example The Satori Method website (http://www.satorimethod.com) is to be launched by the end of the summer. I have no idea how this is going to happen as there is so much to do. I could ‘choose’ to feel overwhelmed and frustrated, but I’m just choosing to Skip the Middle Part. I see and visualize the website finished. It is beautiful and filled with amazing workout videos, meditation and qigong lessons, life mastery tips and nutritional guides. I see you being a very happy member of this new online virtual training studio too :-} (You can get registered for the Grand Opening HERE)
This new way of approaching my life has been amazing. It brings out the best in me, it saves me a lot of time and energy and it helps me to manifest exactly what I want in my life.
I encourage you try this way of being … just SKIP THE MIDDLE PART … it’s actually easy to do (providing you know how to let go), and remember to return to love.
So what is my most favorite Life Mastery tool?
I’ll save that one for next time :-}
Warmly,
Tristan
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